I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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