OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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