Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
