It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
