I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
