Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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