you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
