That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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