pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
