I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
