i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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