My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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