oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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