if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
