If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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