Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
