bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
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dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
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I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I think i got beer on your cat.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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