Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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