Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
