No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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