New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
