Plan B is the new Plan A
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
