i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
