Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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