I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
