I think i peed on brittanys purse
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
