I'm going to jail i love you
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
