I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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