Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
