I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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