Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
