No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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