I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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