oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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