We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
