My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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