At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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