Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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