ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
