I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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