did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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