fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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