Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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