dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
