I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize