I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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