It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
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