I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
