So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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