Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
