Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
