The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
