Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
