I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
please don't ironically join a cult
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