Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
