i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
