Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
