YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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