bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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