Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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