She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
