i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
