We won't sleep together?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
What a dumb baby whore.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
