I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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