Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
