I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
