Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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