There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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